Let Your Motivation Put you In the Lead!

By Ralph Dossen

A leader should not only guide others to ensure great professional success, but also to inspire and influence their subjects. Here is a short guide of becoming an influential and a great motivator:

See Yourself as Role ModelIt’s been said, “Leadership is not all about what you do, but who you are.” This, however, is only partially true. Leadership is very much who you are, but it cannot be divorced from what you do. Who you are represents the inner person, and what you do represents the outer person. Each is dependent on the other for maximum effectiveness.

The starting point of motivational leadership is to begin seeing yourself as a role model, as an example to others. One key characteristic of leaders is that they set high standards of accountability for themselves and for their behaviors. They assume that others are watching them and setting their own standards according to what they see.

Leadership Power
In organizing people, there are several kinds of power. Two of these are position power and ascribed power:

Position power is the power that comes with a job title or position in any organization. If you become a manager in a company, you automatically have certain powers and privileges that go along with your rank. You can order people about and make certain decisions. You can be a leader whether or not anyone likes you.

Ascribed power is the power you gain because of the kind of person you are. In every organization, there are people who are inordinately influential and looked up to by others, even though their positions may not be high up on the organizational chart. These are the men and women who are genuine leaders because of the quality of the people they have become, because of their characters and their personalities.

Over the years, we have been led to believe that leaders are those who stride boldly about, exude power and confidence, give orders and make decisions for others to carry out. However, that is old school thinking. The leader of today is the one who asks questions, listens carefully, plans diligently and then builds consensus among all those who are necessary for achieving the goals. The leader does not try to do it by him or herself. The leader gets things done by helping others to do them.

Lead with Influence and Motivation not with Force:This brings us to five of the qualities of motivational leaders. These are qualities that you already have to a certain degree and that you can develop further to stand out from the people around you in a very short period of time.

1.  Vision. This is the one single quality that, more than anything, separates leaders from followers. Leaders have vision. Followers do not. Leaders have the ability to stand back and see the big picture. Followers are caught up in day-to-day activities. Leaders have developed the ability to fix their eyes on the horizon and see greater possibilities. Followers are those whose eyes are fixed on the ground in front of them and who are so busy that they seldom look at themselves and their activities in a larger context.

The most motivational vision you can have for yourself and others is to “Be the best!” Many people don’t yet realize that excellent performance in serving other people is an absolute, basic essential for survival in the economy of the future. Many individuals and companies still adhere to the idea that as long as they are no worse than anyone else, they can remain in business. That is prehistoric thinking. We are now in the age of excellence. Customers assume that they will get excellent quality, and if they don’t, they will go to your competitors so fast, people’s heads will spin.

2. Integrity. This is perhaps the single most respected quality of leaders. Integrity is complete, unflinching honesty with regard to everything that you say and do. Integrity underlies all the other qualities. Your measure of integrity is determined by how honest you are in the critical areas of your life.

Integrity means this: When someone asks you at the end of the day, “Did you do your very best?” you can look him in the eye and say, “Yes!” Integrity means this: When someone asks you if you could have done it better, you can honestly say, “No, I did everything I possibly could.”

Integrity means that you, as a leader, admit your shortcomings. It means that you work to develop your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. Integrity means that you tell the truth and you live the truth in everything you do and in all your relationships. Integrity means that you deal straightforwardly with people and situations and that you do not compromise what you believe to be true.

3. Courage. This is the chief distinguishing characteristic of the true leader. It is almost always visible in the leader’s words and actions. It is absolutely indispensable to success, happiness and the ability to motivate other people to be the best they can be.

In a way, it is easy to develop a big vision for yourself and for the person you want to be. It is easy to commit yourself to living with complete integrity. But it requires incredible courage to follow through on your vision and on your commitments. You see, as soon as you set a high goal or standard for yourself, you will run into all kinds of difficulties and setbacks. You will be surrounded by temptations to compromise your values and your vision. You will feel an almost irresistible urge to “get along by going along.” Your desire to earn the respect and cooperation of others can easily lead to the abandonment of your principles, and here is where courage comes in.

4. Realism. Realism is a form of intellectual honesty. The realist insists upon seeing the world as it really is, not as he wishes it were. This objectivity, this refusal to engage in self-delusion, is a mark of the true leader.

Those who exhibit the quality of realism do not trust luck, hope for miracles, pray for exceptions to basic business principles, expect rewards without working or hope that problems will go away by themselves. These all are examples of self-delusion, of living in a fantasyland.

The motivational leader insists on seeing things exactly as they are and encourages others to look at life the same way. As a motivational leader, you get the facts, whatever they are. You deal with people honestly and tell them exactly what you perceive to be the truth. This doesn’t mean that you will always be right, but you will always be expressing the truth in the best way you know how.

5. Responsibility. This is perhaps the hardest quality to develop. The acceptance of responsibility means that, as Harry Truman said, “The buck stops here.”

The game of life is very competitive. Sometimes, great success and great failure are separated by a very small distance. In watching the play-offs in basketball, baseball and football, we see that the winner can be decided by a single point, and that single point can rest on a single action, or inaction, on the part of a single team member at a critical part of the game.

Life is very much like competitive sports. Very small things that you do, or don’t do, can either give you the edge that leads to victory or take away your edge at the critical moment. This principle is especially true with regard to accepting responsibility for yourself and for everything that happens to you.

Motivate Yourself First

You become a motivational leader by motivating yourself. And you motivate yourself by striving toward excellence, by committing yourself to becoming everything you are capable of becoming. You motivate yourself by throwing your whole heart into doing your job in an excellent fashion. You motivate yourself and others by continually looking for ways to help others to improve their lives and achieve their goals. You become a motivational leader by becoming the kind of person others want to get behind and support in every way.

Your main job is to take complete control of your personal evolution and become a leader in every area of your life. You could ask for nothing more, and you should settle for nothing less.

Cats are the best life teachers

e inspiration or motivation, look no.

Sometimes we seek counseling for success in life and recognition, not knowing that we have the best counselor around catching mice.
Here are a few lessons that cats teach us:

1. Make Sure You Always Have a Curious Spirit
   

   
   

   Though your cat's curious nature can often get him into a bit of trouble, it also allows him to take advantage of all that the world around him has to offer. Why not try tapping into your adventurous side by exploring the woods behind your house or researching a topic that has always interested you?
    
2. Choose Your Friends Wisely
   Your cat knows who she likes and who she doesn't -- and she's not afraid to show it! While you may not want to wear your heart on your sleeve, being choosy about the company you keep is a good lesson to learn. Not all friends benefits us, and that's the motto of a cat. Evil communication corrupts good manner. So it all about creating a check point in your friend Zone.
    
3. Get Plenty of Rest
   

   
   

   There's a reason a short snooze in the middle of the day is called a cat nap. Take a page out of your pet's book and make sure you always get enough sleep.
    
4. Maintain a Well-Groomed Appearance
   

   
   

   Cats always want to look their best. After all, they groom themselves repeatedly throughout the day. It not about wearing the Jay Zee suite, but even in the simplest class look your best. Your collars well proportioned, your trousers well balanced. I mean your physical appearance needs to be up to date.
    
5. Don't Forget to Show Your Appreciation
   Cats show you their gratitude in a number of ways: a loud purr, a squinty smile, a dead mouse at your feet. Many of us want gifts before being appreciative, oooh No your are mean!! At times we appreciate others for just being our friends, our neighbors. Appreciation creates a good climate of love for us.
    
6. Eat More Fish
   

   
   

   Cats can't get enough of that fishy flavor, which is a good thing. Fish contain healthy omega fatty acids. It's no all about get a expensive meal, but that is a signal of having a balance diet. At times forget those spicy fried fingered food and hit the day with some protein riched fishes.
    
7. Stay Aware of Your Surroundings
   
   
   Cats are always alert, which allows them to sense any nearby danger and act accordingly. You should always be sensitive to follow suit when you're in a new or unfamiliar area.
    
8. Spend Time Soaking Up the Sun
   

   
   

   Your cat probably loves to sit in a sunny window to bask in the warm light. Get inspired by your pet and go outside to soak up some vitamin D! Just be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen.
    
9. Take the Time to Really Notice Things
   Have you ever seen a cat just sit and stare at a wall? What are they looking at? Maybe they're just taking in every detail. At times we may not get the opportunity to know the details behind every occurrence, so we also need some time of our day to recount events of the day and analyze the reasons and the impact on our life.
10.  
11. Stretch Regularly
    

    
    

    If you want to stay as limber and flexible as your cat, even according health statistics you should stretch on a daily basis. You could even try taking a yoga class!
     
12. Ignore the Little Things That Tend to Irritate You
    

    
    

    Your cat knows just how to deal with life's troubling distractions. when ever a puppy or your kid try to hit them or to get their angry paws out they just ignore them and turn their face!
     
13. Look Before You Leap
    Cats are very cautions animals. They won't take a step without first assessing the situation. It's a good habit for humans to have, too!
     
14. Don't Lose Your Playful Energy
    

    
    

    Even adult cats enjoy acting like frisky, energetic kittens every now and then. And they've got the right idea! After all, a playful spirit can help keep you feeling young and fit throughout your life.
     
15. Don't Get Discouraged
    

    
    

    The next time you get knocked down in life, you should follow your cat's example and get right back up on your feet. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's important that you don't let them prevent you from futures defeat

Building your Relationship

by Ralph Dossen

It takes more than love for your relationship to work.

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Below you’ll find 18 ways to keep your relationship strong.

1. Practice acceptance and appreciation. In his book, “How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving”, David Richo explains that two of the keys to mindful loving are acceptance and appreciation. Here’s a quote from Richo that expresses this idea: “In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, non-intrusively, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only appreciation . . .”

2. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Just as you can’t expect to be happy all the time, you shouldn’t expect your relationship to be at a continuous high.  When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to ride the highs, as well as the lows, together.3. Use the word “we”.  Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., explains that researcher Robert Levenson and his colleagues at the University of California, Berkeley, found that couples who use the word “we” when talking are happier, calmer, and in general are more satisfied with their relationships than couples whose communication is more populated by the pronouns “you”, “me” and “I”.

Dr. Chansky explains that the word “we” is a game changer. It sets off a program of connectedness in the brain so that instead of being in a “you vs. me” mindset, we’re in a collaborative mindset. This collaborative mindset makes us more loving and generous.

4. Follow the three-day gratitude plan. Rita Watson–an Associate Fellow at Yale’s Ezra Stiles College—explains that having an attitude of gratitude will revitalize your love life. Watson indicates that a studyinvolving 77 married heterosexual and monogamous couples found that with expressed gratitude “participants reported that they felt more loving.” She goes on as follows:

“They also reported feeling more peaceful, amused, and proud. They perceived their partner as being more understanding, validating, caring, and generally more responsive. They were more likely to have reported spontaneously thanking their partner for something they’d appreciated on any given day. And they were more satisfied with the quality of their relationship overall.”

In order to get started with bringing more gratitude into your relationship she recommends the following three-day gratitude plan:

• Day 1: Find three qualities that you love about your partner and focus on those three qualities for the entire day.
• Day 2: Identify three things that irritate you about your partner. Now forgive them for these things.
• Day 3: For the entire day speak only kind words to your significant other.

Think of the three day plan as a cleansing which allows you to clear out feelings that keep your relationship from thriving.

5. Keep the 3:1 ratio. Over the course of a day we have a variety of positive and negative experiences. This is also true when it comes to our relationship with our significant other. Most people think that as long as the positive experiences outweigh the negative, everything is fine. However, this isn’t so. It’s the ratio of positive to negative that matters.

Research has shown that the magical ratio for a flourishing relationship is at or above 3:1. That is, you need to have three times more positive experiences with your partner than negative experiences in order to have a healthy relationship.

6. Keep the novelty alive. One of the positive aspects of being in a relationship with someone for a long time is that you really get to know each other. The negative side of this is that the novelty wears off, and humans love novelty.

However, there’s a way to keep the novelty alive: constantly try new activities together. This creates the excitement and the uncertainty that comes from the unknown, even if you’re with someone whom you know as well as the back of your hand.

7. Keep the playfulness alive. We all love to play, regardless of our age. Do the following: have fun together; do something ridiculous together; and just let go. In addition, the next time that your partner says something that bothers you, try responding with a joke instead of getting defensive.

8. Give your partner space. The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

9. Show each other daily physical affection. Kory Floyd, Ph.D.–a professor at Hugh Downs School of Communication at Arizona State University—explains that studies show that physical affection has a myriad of benefits. It releases feel-good hormones, it reduces blood pressure, it helps to release stress, it improves mood, and it’s associated with higher relationship satisfaction.

Showing physical affection can be as easy as kissing, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.

10. Use AAA. Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of “The Weekend Marriage” explains that when your significant other is upset over something you’ve done, you should apply the AAA approach. This stands for apology, affection, and a promise of action. To elaborate:

• Tell your partner that you’re sorry that you’ve hurt or disappointment them.
• Offer a meaningful gesture of warmth, such as a hug or a kiss.
• Pledge to take action that is meaningful to them.

11. Focus on the positive. Dr. Terri Orbuch has been conducting a long-term study since 1986 on what makes couples happy and strengthens relationships. She advises that couples resolve to focus on the positive. She explains that happy couples focus on what is going well in their relationship, rather than focusing on what is going wrong.

In addition, if you do need to call attention to a negative aspect, try to do it in a positive way. For example, if your partner is messy try telling them something like the following: “It makes me so happy to come home to a clean house. When things are messy I feel stressed. Let’s come up with a solution together.”

12. Create couples rituals. Sarì Harrar and Rita DeMaria are the authors of the book “ The 7 Stages of Marriage”. They recommend that you strengthen your relationship by creating rituals just for the two of you. For example, every Saturday night can be date night. Another example can be having your coffee together every morning, or taking ten minutes to chat every night before going to bed.

13. Edit yourself. Dr. John Gottman is a researcher, author and Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on relationship stability. He’s best known for his book, “The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work”. Dr. Gottman explains that couples who avoid saying every critical thought that pops into their head when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.

14. Be supportive. There are many ways to be supportive of your partner, including the following:

• Give emotional support: listen to them when they’re upset and need to talk.
• Give compliments and praise.
• Give them information that they might need.
• Give them a hand when they need it. For example, doing their house chores when they have to put in extra hours at work.

15. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Brené Brown, author of “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”, explains that vulnerability holds the key to emotional intimacy. She adds that vulnerability is about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and asking for what we need. It’s allowing ourselves to be truly seen by our partner, warts and all.

16. Say “I love you” with your actions. Perform little acts of kindness for your partner that let them know you love them. Some ideas include the following:

• Warm her car on a cold morning.
• Bring home take-out from his favorite Chinese restaurant.
• Get up fifteen minutes before she does so that breakfast is ready when she walks into the kitchen.
• When you’re out shopping get him a little surprise gift.

17. Fight fair. It’s not disagreements that destroy relationships, but how you deal with them. Dr. Phil—of Oprah fame—says the following about fighting fair:

“Disagreements are going to occur. The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You’ll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It’s not a competition;  it’s a partnership.”

Some of the tips he offers for fighting fair are the following:

• Know what you’re trying to achieve.
• Put boundaries around the discussion so that you don’t end up arguing about every negative thing that has ever happened in your relationship.
• Avoid character assassination.
• Practice active listening. Try paraphrasing to make sure that you understood what the other person said and ask for clarification if there’s something that you’re not clear about.
• Set a time limit.
• Be willing to compromise.
• Reach an agreement on how you’re going to solve the issue.

18. Set goals as a couple. Be a team of two that’s striving to achieve a set of goals that you’ve set together and that are important to both of you. By setting a goal together you’ll be achieving all of the following:

• You’ll make sure that you’re both moving in the same direction.
• Your wins are their wins.
• You can celebrate together each time you achieve a milestone.

Studies have shown that one of the most important components of happiness is striving to achieve goals that you consider to be meaningful. In turn, one of the components of a happy relationship is having a set of goals that you’re trying to achieve together.

Conclusion

Strong relationships don’t just happen. In order to have a flourishing relationship with your significant other you have to do the work. Use the 18 tips above to begin strengthening your relationship right away. After all, a healthy relationship is an important component for living a great life.

Are you living a happier Life??

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

Aristotle said this more than 2,000 years ago. And it still holds true today. What is the true purpose of life, if not to live a happy life until we die?

Happiness is one of the most sought-after goals in life, yet for many it seems to be elusive. It’s easy to delude ourselves into thinking, “When I just have that nice house and new car, then I can be happy.” But in reality, happiness is available to all of us, right now. A big house or a new car won’t actually make you happier; it’s the simple joys in life that bring true happiness. Read on to learn 15 simple ways that you can start living a happier life today.

1. Do What You Love
If your passion is playing soccer, writing poems, or teaching children how to swim, make time to do it. You’ll find that when you’re doing what you love, you’re filled with joy. How much better does that sound than forcing yourself do something you don’t like?

2. Help Others
Sometimes after we’ve achieved our own personal goals, we still feel empty inside because we haven’t made a meaningful contribution to someone else’s life. When we volunteer or help others, it feels good to just be of service to someone else. The impact we make feels fulfilling and is a big potential source for our own happiness.

3. Be Thankful
When you think of all the things that you have to be grateful for, you realize how blessed you already are. Without even realizing it, we take our basic necessities for granted — a roof over your head and plenty of food to eat. By appreciating the things that you already have, you’ll begin to feel happier in your life.

4. Share With Others
When we share our thoughts, our time, and our abilities with others we feel better for it. A life lived without sharing can become lonely. When you share with others, they’ll feel great towards you and help you to feel more joy in your own life.

5. Smile More
Practice smiling more and see how it affects you internally, as well as those around you. You can always afford to give a smile. Smiling can make you happier — even if you have to force it, you’ll still feel better.

6. Exercise
When was the last time you went to the gym or worked out? Exercise reduces stress and releases endorphins, also known as a “runner’s high.” Playing sports is a fun way to exercise as well, whether it’s kicking around a soccer ball or shooting hoops.

7. Seek Out a Life Coach
A life coach will help you to evaluate your life and why you’re not feeling happy in it. Maybe you’re holding limiting beliefs or you have an emotional block without realizing it. By speaking to a life coach, you can uncover why you’re actually unhappy and what you can do to feel better.

8. Find Ways to Manage Stress
Don’t let stress rob you of your birthright to be happy. You deserve to be happy, and it wouldn’t be right to let stress get in the way.Practices such as meditation can help you to manage stress better and feel great.

9. Eat Healthy
It’s much more challenging to feel truly happy when you’re sick. But when you eat right, you feel better both physically and mentally. And you’ll avoid that guilty feeling that you just pigged out on junk food.

10. Spend Time With Your Loved Ones
There’s no replacement for spending quality time with your loved ones. We’re social beings, even if you’re an introvert or a loner. People love spending time with their friends and family for good conversation, bonding, and some laughs. Life’s too short to live it completely alone.

11. Dump Negative Thinking
You already know that negative thinking will bring you down. So how do you stop it? Become more aware of it and try replacing your negative thoughts with some positive ones. Spend less time with negative people and more time with positive people.

12. Give More Gifts
You don’t have to give expensive gifts; sometimes a poem, a quick note, or a thoughtful email will brighten someone else’s day, and yours. Share what you can give to all the wonderful people in your life.

13. Forgive and Forget
Holding a grudge will harm youmore than the person you’re holding it against. Ask yourself, “What would it take for me to let go of the past?” and notice how you feel when you let go of your anger for a few seconds. Focus instead on a bright future and you’ll feel better for it.

1Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

Aristotle said this more than 2,000 years ago. And it still holds true today. What is the true purpose of life, if not to live a happy life until we die?

Happiness is one of the most sought-after goals in life, yet for many it seems to be elusive. It’s easy to delude ourselves into thinking, “When I just have that nice house and new car, then I can be happy.” But in reality, happiness is available to all of us, right now. A big house or a new car won’t actually make you happier; it’s the simple joys in life that bring true happiness. Read on to learn 15 simple ways that you can start living a happier life today.

1. Do What You Love
If your passion is playing soccer, writing poems, or teaching children how to swim, make time to do it. You’ll find that when you’re doing what you love, you’re filled with joy. How much better does that sound than forcing yourself do something you don’t like?

2. Help Others
Sometimes after we’ve achieved our own personal goals, we still feel empty inside because we haven’t made a meaningful contribution to someone else’s life. When we volunteer or help others, it feels good to just be of service to someone else. The impact we make feels fulfilling and is a big potential source for our own happiness.

3. Be Thankful
When you think of all the things that you have to be grateful for, you realize how blessed you already are. Without even realizing it, we take our basic necessities for granted — a roof over your head and plenty of food to eat. By appreciating the things that you already have, you’ll begin to feel happier in your life.

4. Share With Others
When we share our thoughts, our time, and our abilities with others we feel better for it. A life lived without sharing can become lonely. When you share with others, they’ll feel great towards you and help you to feel more joy in your own life.

5. Smile More
Practice smiling more and see how it affects you internally, as well as those around you. You can always afford to give a smile. Smiling can make you happier — even if you have to force it, you’ll still feel better.

6. Exercise
When was the last time you went to the gym or worked out? Exercise reduces stress and releases endorphins, also known as a “runner’s high.” Playing sports is a fun way to exercise as well, whether it’s kicking around a soccer ball or shooting hoops.

7. Seek Out a Life Coach
A life coach will help you to evaluate your life and why you’re not feeling happy in it. Maybe you’re holding limiting beliefs or you have an emotional block without realizing it. By speaking to a life coach, you can uncover why you’re actually unhappy and what you can do to feel better.

8. Find Ways to Manage Stress
Don’t let stress rob you of your birthright to be happy. You deserve to be happy, and it wouldn’t be right to let stress get in the way.Practices such as meditation can help you to manage stress better and feel great.

9. Eat Healthy
It’s much more challenging to feel truly happy when you’re sick. But when you eat right, you feel better both physically and mentally. And you’ll avoid that guilty feeling that you just pigged out on junk food.

10. Spend Time With Your Loved Ones
There’s no replacement for spending quality time with your loved ones. We’re social beings, even if you’re an introvert or a loner. People love spending time with their friends and family for good conversation, bonding, and some laughs. Life’s too short to live it completely alone.

11. Dump Negative Thinking
You already know that negative thinking will bring you down. So how do you stop it? Become more aware of it and try replacing your negative thoughts with some positive ones. Spend less time with negative people and more time with positive people.

12. Give More Gifts
You don’t have to give expensive gifts; sometimes a poem, a quick note, or a thoughtful email will brighten someone else’s day, and yours. Share what you can give to all the wonderful people in your life.

13. Forgive and Forget
Holding a grudge will harm youmore than the person you’re holding it against. Ask yourself, “What would it take for me to let go of the past?” and notice how you feel when you let go of your anger for a few seconds. Focus instead on a bright future and you’ll feel better for it.

14. Be Yourself

As Steve Jobs said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” Accept who you are, just be yourself, and you’ll feel a world of difference